This month I am reflecting on a trip I took this summer with the ABCC gang to East Sussex . Whilst we were there we made a compulsory trip to AA Milne’s Pooh Stick Bridge at Ashurst Forest ( aka the hundred acre woods). Of course we chose our sticks wisely and played pooh sticks there. I think this must have been one of the first games I taught them that we all enjoy in equal measure.
Whilst I was there I was reminded of the poem/song ‘Halfway Down the Stairs’ recited by Christopher Robin, who is in charge of all the animals in AA Milne’s hundred acre woods, and I began to sing it to my girls. I have used this poem in my work since 1998, I think, for a variety of purposes and actually more with adult students than with children but my girls loved to hear it that day and we shared the words as we looked at the tree houses.
My favourite thing about ‘ Halfway down the stairs’ is its versatility. I can demonstrate how differently this sweet verse can sound when we change the inflection of our voice and it has been my go-to poem to practise vocal care, varying pace, pitch and projection with students of all ages.
Let me explain; Imagine you are giving directions to someone but the directions are the words of the poem. You say the words on the left but you think the words on the right.
Halfway down the stairs, is a stair where I sit…. halfway down the street
There isn’t any other stair quite like it…. It’s clearly signposted
It’s not at the bottom, it’s not at the top… Don’t go left, don’t go right
So this is the stair where I always stop… Then you’ll see it ahead
Now imagine that you are telling a ghost story. You would no doubt use more dramatic pause here whereas in the first example you might over articulate to get your point across so the traveller does not get lost. With the ghost story, you might use a low voice and clip the end of your words, altering the pace to build tension and bring the final line to a climatic end;
And all sorts of funny thoughts race around my head, it isn’t really anywhere, it’s somewhere else instead.
These exercises are perfect for training actors so they can display meaning in their words for an audience but they are also useful for us in everyday communication with our family.
Just the other day, a friend spoke abruptly to me and I was taken aback. Work Beth might have advised a different tone in her voice and probably a different use of language ( or nothing at all needing to be said if I am honest) but the tone of voice was what I experienced the most and that is what stays with me with this awkward encounter.
I hear of employers “saying it how it is” and not “ beating around the bush” and this being their way of managing staff and “ getting the job done” when the staff are left feeling a little emotionally bruised by the experience and perhaps less productive as a result.
I know parents feel the need to have a certain authority over their children so that they stay safe and behave well and I am definitely guilty of raising my voice to mine – hold my hands up to this one!
How does this relate to ABCC? Well, it is not always what you say, it is often how you say it.
When we are communicating , our intention is everything. We might not mean any harm but if there is a hint of aggression, abruptness, lack of empathy, impatience, condescension or boredom in our speaking voice then that is what our children experience.
We cannot always watch ourselves and we will make vocal mistakes every day but we can also learn from these when we get it right the next time and we get a better result.
So when I am in a hurry and I bellow “Get your shoes on right now, we have to go!” It can simply bring on panic and far less speed to get the job done. When I can find the song then we really do get out of that door on time! If I don’t find the song in that moment then a simple, “now it’s time to get your shoes on” using a slow, easy tone and pace will work just as well. If I counted how many times I said “teeth, socks ,hair!” on a busy morning this week it would be embarrassing but I should know better not to waste my breath barking these orders.
I have all the tools in my skill set and I know I will do better next time and get a better result. I do run the risk of my children simply dancing along to a song I sing for them about putting their shoes on of course, but simply placing the tune in my speaking voice (more Mary Poppins than Ms Hannigan) tends to get us out of the door on time!
When we speak with love then love is received and if we shout then we will simply do better next time.
Be kind always, especially to yourself.